just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
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She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
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Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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