i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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