meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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