Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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