Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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