Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
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I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
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Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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