I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
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Sorry my hands just texted you
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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