the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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