That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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