What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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