Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No stitches, just platelets and will power
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Randomize