oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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