Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize