lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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