Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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