Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize