Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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