man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
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