found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize