Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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