Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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