do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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