So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
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I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
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I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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