Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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