i already hear my dad disowning me
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
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He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We have started to decorate penises.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
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Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize