remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize