i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
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i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
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It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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