he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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