she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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