your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize