hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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