yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
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Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
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Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
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