Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
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remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
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So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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