youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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