I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Randomize