I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
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i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
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It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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