Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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