My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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