hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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