i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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