I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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