I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize