I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize