I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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