My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
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Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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