We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize