Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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