Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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