This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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