when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
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dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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