Pants 0. Shit 1.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
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I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
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I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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